My mother passed away when I was just a toddler. Today is the 27th anniversary of her death.
Most years, I spend her death anniversary keeping the significance of the day to myself. There are many reasons as to why, but namely because I feel there is a stigma around grief and the assumption that it’s something you’re supposed to “get over” after so much time has passed. But grief is a funny thing, and it’s not something you can ever “get over”, nor something you should. You don’t move on from it, you just learn how to move forward with it. The initial wound may heal, but the scar forever remains.
Furthermore, in my case, I never knew my mother, so instead of grieving the loss of her, I grieve for all the things she has missed.
Every milestone I have ever experienced has always had a bittersweetness to it. Friendships, relationships, graduations, jobs, promotions, and achievements have always been reminders of how much she’s missed and how much time has passed. Because I never got to know her, I’ve always asked myself if I’m who she imagined I’d become. Did I become a woman she would have been proud of?
But this year, instead of wallowing in what I lost or didn’t have, I decided to spend my day in gratitude.
Because she passed away, my life completely changed, and the path I was on was forever altered. I wouldn’t have grown up where I grew up, had the family I now have, gotten the education I did, or become who I am.
So today, I decided I wanted to reach out to those who mean the most to me, to those in my life that have done so much for me. As I started writing the list of people I wanted to thank, the list got longer and longer to the point I couldn’t reach out to them all. Then as I looked at my list, I realized that 99% of them would not be in my life had she not have passed away. And for that 1% who would have been, I can almost guarantee the relationship we would have had would not be what they are.
I spent my day honoring them and expressing my gratitude to them, and guess what? My day got a little lighter and my heart began to swell with love.
I realized how much love I have in my life, and how many amazing people God has blessed me with. They all have helped build me into who I am and continue to support me on who I am becoming.
Life is hard, and grief can easily become overwhelming. But for those who are struggling with it, I encourage you to turn your focus towards the blessings in your life. Focus on what you’re grateful for. It doesn’t make the grief go away, but in the moments when the grief feels overwhelming, it makes moving forward a little easier.
Meg Meets World 